He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
