I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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