apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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