my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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