dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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