This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
