I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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