So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
