I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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