When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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