sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I supernannyed him into submission
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
