Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
