she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
