It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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