Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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