She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
