all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
and you fell through a lawn chair
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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