how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
