grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's just like the Real World with babies
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize