i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
