i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
