I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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