i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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