Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
