Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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