If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
