im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
