one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
