bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My penis needs a shock collar
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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