...so i touched it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
