id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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