There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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