I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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