"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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