i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
