just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
