He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
