just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
