i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
