either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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