Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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