If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
