i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
