Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
