You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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