WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
