i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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