Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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