How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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