I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
