Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize