Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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