i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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