Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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