So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She needs sedatives and a leash
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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