you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
