Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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