He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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