I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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