sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
