God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize