Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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