Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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