i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
