we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
