I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
