Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
