I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
