God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
