he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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