He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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