Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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